eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
