I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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