so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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