Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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