Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
