WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You made out with two different species that night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
