took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
