I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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