dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
