So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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