I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
