she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
