u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i've created a new STD.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
