My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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