She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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