I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
