I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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