the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Randomize
