I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
