Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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