if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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