some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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