What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize