what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
