....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
