Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
