oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They should really pass out barf bags in church
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
