He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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