let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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