HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
