I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize