And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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