making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
