Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
