The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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