i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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