3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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