I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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