Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
