Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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