I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
