I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
