I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
