need another drink. this is the easiest way
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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