Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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