when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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