Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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