are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
