she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
