quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
