North Korea, Best Korea!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
