her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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