is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
