You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
