my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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