Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
