Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
