I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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