he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
