Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
