and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
