I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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