It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i love accidental penises.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
