O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
