Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
