he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
