On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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