I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
