Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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